On my way into Chicago via Amtrak, I passed our for a brief spell. I was unable to respond when the conductor came around for tickets so they called security and tossed me off the train.
Fortunately, I landed on some soft grass and rolled down into a cold Rocky mountain lake.
The shock of the cold water woke me up immediately.
However I had no memory of where I was or even who I was.
So I looked around and noticed that I was in the woods.
I noticed I was crawling around on all fours.
So I must be some kind of wild animal.
Then I felt the need to relieve myself and moved off into the woods.
I thereupon concluded that I must be a bear.
Being a bear and and being hungry,
I headed off to search for a picnic basket.
Alas, there were few to no picnickers in the woods high on the Rocky mountains at that time of year.
I was forced to grub for roots and berries.
Which I did not like!
Soon, however I came upon a ranger station and mirable dictu, a dumpster!
I didn't like what I found there either.
The station was closed, so there was no ranger to eat.
I began to doubt my ursine identity.
But when I looked around I was still in the woods, still on all fours, still seeking sustenance from dumpsters and picnic baskets.
The evidence was irrefutable.
Then it occurred to me to wonder about the time of year.
There was snow on the ground!
It was winter!
I should be sleeping!
I immediately commenced a search for the nearest cave.
Which I found with little effort.
I had to chase out a somnolent cougar.
But that is no real problem for a bear.
Unfortunately I only managed about ten hours of much needed rest before my wrist watch alarm woke me (I must have forgot to set it for April).
Then, as I was stretching and yawning and preparing to go out for a breakfast of grubs ant ants from a nearby rotten log, I became aware of a long rumbling and shaking of the ground beneath my feet.
I started to hear a strange sounds, almost like human voices.
Then, to my horror, a mysterious hand reached out of the darkness and grabbed me by the shoulder and started shaking me vigorously.
Louder and louder the voice became.
Sir...sir, the voice intoned, would you like to make your dinner reservation now?
Amtrak, a great way to travel!