The trip
On my way into Chicago via Amtrak, I passed our for a brief spell. I was unable to respond when the conductor came around for tickets so they called security and tossed me off the train.
Fortunately, I landed on some soft grass and rolled down into a cold Rocky mountain lake.
The shock of the cold water woke me up immediately.
However I had no memory of where I was or even who I was.
So I looked around and noticed that I was in the woods.
I noticed I was crawling around on all fours.
So I must be some kind of wild animal.
Then I felt the need to relieve myself and moved off into the woods.
I thereupon concluded that I must be a bear.
Being a bear and and being hungry,
I headed off to search for a picnic basket.
Alas, there were few to no picnickers in the woods high on the Rocky mountains at that time of year.
I was forced to grub for roots and berries.
Which I did not like!
Soon, however I came upon a ranger station and mirable dictu, a dumpster!
I didn't like what I found there either.
The station was closed, so there was no ranger to eat.
I began to doubt my ursine identity.
But when I looked around I was still in the woods, still on all fours, still seeking sustenance from dumpsters and picnic baskets.
The evidence was irrefutable.
Then it occurred to me to wonder about the time of year.
There was snow on the ground!
It was winter!
I should be sleeping!
I immediately commenced a search for the nearest cave.
Which I found with little effort.
I had to chase out a somnolent cougar.
But that is no real problem for a bear.
Unfortunately I only managed about ten hours of much needed rest before my wrist watch alarm woke me (I must have forgot to set it for April).
Then, as I was stretching and yawning and preparing to go out for a breakfast of grubs ant ants from a nearby rotten log, I became aware of a long rumbling and shaking of the ground beneath my feet.
I started to hear a strange sounds, almost like human voices.
Then, to my horror, a mysterious hand reached out of the darkness and grabbed me by the shoulder and started shaking me vigorously.
Louder and louder the voice became.
Sir...sir, the voice intoned, would you like to make your dinner reservation now?
Amtrak, a great way to travel!
Fortunately, I landed on some soft grass and rolled down into a cold Rocky mountain lake.
The shock of the cold water woke me up immediately.
However I had no memory of where I was or even who I was.
So I looked around and noticed that I was in the woods.
I noticed I was crawling around on all fours.
So I must be some kind of wild animal.
Then I felt the need to relieve myself and moved off into the woods.
I thereupon concluded that I must be a bear.
Being a bear and and being hungry,
I headed off to search for a picnic basket.
Alas, there were few to no picnickers in the woods high on the Rocky mountains at that time of year.
I was forced to grub for roots and berries.
Which I did not like!
Soon, however I came upon a ranger station and mirable dictu, a dumpster!
I didn't like what I found there either.
The station was closed, so there was no ranger to eat.
I began to doubt my ursine identity.
But when I looked around I was still in the woods, still on all fours, still seeking sustenance from dumpsters and picnic baskets.
The evidence was irrefutable.
Then it occurred to me to wonder about the time of year.
There was snow on the ground!
It was winter!
I should be sleeping!
I immediately commenced a search for the nearest cave.
Which I found with little effort.
I had to chase out a somnolent cougar.
But that is no real problem for a bear.
Unfortunately I only managed about ten hours of much needed rest before my wrist watch alarm woke me (I must have forgot to set it for April).
Then, as I was stretching and yawning and preparing to go out for a breakfast of grubs ant ants from a nearby rotten log, I became aware of a long rumbling and shaking of the ground beneath my feet.
I started to hear a strange sounds, almost like human voices.
Then, to my horror, a mysterious hand reached out of the darkness and grabbed me by the shoulder and started shaking me vigorously.
Louder and louder the voice became.
Sir...sir, the voice intoned, would you like to make your dinner reservation now?
Amtrak, a great way to travel!
posted by Lane Savant at 9:42 AM
5 Comments:
I like that.
A little far out fantasy for a Monday evening.
Based on a true story.
Just like all the Hollywood
epics, "based on a true story".
Yes, this tale of strive and
woe, this tiny story of the
wayward Savant rolling on
those rails across the
Continental Divide really
floats my boat big time.
Thanks for sharing.
Did they check your blood
sugars at the doctor's?
A healthy, albeit mature
male such as yourself does
not just lose consciousness
for no reason. Something is
afoot as S. Holmes always
deduced. It was a good thing
that you did not look at
your own reflection in the
Rocky Mountain lake, cuz
most bears do not wear
glasses; unless your glasses
fell off in the tumble off
the train, enit?
I posted the trip over on
FFTR, for it needs promulgation
and publicity beyond the
scope on merely one blog.
I entitled it THE TRIP 2010,
cuz I think there is already
a posting somewhere on the
site titled THE TRIP, from
one of your other adventures.
I have a film club administrative
meeting tonight, which is always
my least favorite club activity.
I make a crappy leader, a
piss poor Director. It just
ain't my bag. I like being
the second in command, the
war lietenant, some power
but none of the responsibility.
That's just me, folks.
Only thing Doc found was too much cholesterol.
Brain scan found nothing. (haha)
So now I'm joining the pill taking and cardboard eating clan.
Hallo, Lane!!!
A GREAT expository on your passing out on the train and its consequences!!! Only problem: Chicago is not in the Rocky Mountains; how about changing the venue to West Glacier Park???
Also this account is worthy of publication in a humor magazine, so send it to one (at a time); best wishes!!!
Admiringly,
Anonomann
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