Saturday, September 25, 2010

Letter to a friend.

Dearest Melissa.
I appreciate that you consider me the "one and only" love of your life.
I know the feeling, I have felt the feeling, I have been through all that the feeling entails. I have felt the giddiness, the floating feeling of intoxication, the feeling of time suspended. And I have felt the withdrawal  aches as the it wears away and is slowly absorbed into the blood stream, converted into waste products and excreted.
Your willingness to enter into a "life long" legal contract with me on the basis of this feeling is flattering but I'm afraid impractical. The idea that we were "destined to be together" is a charming concept but is unrealistic to the point of psychopathy. "Living on love" is not a talent I've ever able to make work, nor can I imagine any possible mechanism by which the philosophy might play out in a real world situation. A situation, I might add that involves major legal, moral and monetary compromise. Actually, I can imagine such scenarios and they seldom end well.
As long as I'm on the subject, I might ask you to look into a dictionary an read carefully all the meanings of the word "love", a word which you seem to like to toss around a bit too casually as far as I'm concerned.
Love might find a way, but until it does we would need food, shelter, and a sensible retirement strategy.
Preparatory to this we would need a "job" or perhaps two.
Please do not interpret this to mean that I am not opposed to further relationship. On the contrary with a few years of serious discussion and examination of bona fides, a contract might possibly be drawn to benefit both of us.
By the way what was that perfume you were wearing Friday? It was wonderful.

Yours, Walter.


Blogger Glenn Buttkus said...

Let me be the first to send out
a "good show" on this mag!
Leave it to you to swing into
literature, ala Friko, and find
the perfect compliment to
the poetics already submitted.
Walter is a prig, and Melissa
is in for a life of lectures and
manipulations, and of course,
they are perfect for each other.

10:58 AM  
Blogger Helen said...

... I actually knew a guy like this once! Great Magpie!

11:45 AM  
Blogger Lane Savant said...

I am a guy like this.
Love is adolescent nonsense, food and shelter are necessities.
Marriage is a legal contract.
Gonad inspired endorphins are a luxury that few can afford.

1:10 PM  
Blogger Tumblewords: said...

I'm sure this happens more than once a day, somewhere. :) Good fun.

4:13 PM  
Blogger Brian Miller said...

thinking she is not missing out on much after reading this...smiles. nice mag.

5:34 PM  
Blogger kathew said...

oh hah! great post...

6:30 PM  
Blogger Reflections said...

Great write... you seem to have experienced this letter with such fervor.

Great magpie!

11:53 AM  
Blogger Lane Savant said...

Reflections, it's the difference between my first marriage and the one I get to keep.

12:44 PM  
Blogger willow said...

First of all, I love writing in the form of correspondence. That said, "Run, Melissa! Run!"

6:54 AM  
Blogger Carrie Burtt said...

Doug this is such a wonderfully unique take on the prompt...i just love the last line! Awesome magpie!

6:57 AM  
Blogger Kristen Haskell said...

Nice job!

5:45 PM  
Blogger kathi harris said...

Ok. Realistic, but oh so unromantic.

10:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hallo, Y'all!!
According to a western (capitalist) screenwriter in a film about "love" in the then-USSR, "Love is a chemical reaction, that's all!"

2:40 AM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home

Web Counter
My worth as a human being