Andre Rieu new music director?

Amazing news from Seattle!
Andre Rieu has been selected as Seattle Symphony's new music director!!!
According to board president;
"We've decided that what the symphony needed was music that our audiences can relate to, rather than complicated stuff that you have to think about.
We want our audiences to be able to relax at a concert and enjoy themselves.

Plus there's all that gorgeous hair.
We expect a great change in our ticket sales........

You know, this isn't working.
The problem is that I've been reading an history of Saturday Night Live
and I've gotten used to imagining that I had a cadre of top notch writers at my beck and call.
I don't and it needs to be posted today or it won't work.
So you see my dilemma,

The original idea was to announce that the new music director would be Ilkka Talvi, with myself, Doug Palmer new composer in residence.
And a list of other highly unlikely changes.

At least I've got my provocative title.
Which is bit too scarily close to being possible, thereby diminishing it's shock value.

I'm sorry for this failure. It could have been funny.
Here's a picture of my favorite car;