Wednesday, October 13, 2010


She said, "Is this door half open or is this door half closed?"
I said, "What the hell are you on about this time?"
She said, "Is this door half open or is this door half closed?"
I said "It's half open. It's half closed. It's both at the same time"
She said, "Why are you so afraid of commitment?"
I said "It's pretty stupid to get emotionally involved about a half-assed door."
She said,"Is that what you think of me?  I'm just some half-assed impediment to your life. Some door you want to go through? Maybe you should just throw me out"
I said, "No, that's not what I think of you, the door is at least half open...
I mean, no, I don't what to throw you out. Where the hell does that come from?"
She said,"Don't you love me?"
I said, "Of course I love you." but I didn't say it fast enough.
She said, "You don't love me."
I said, "Are you trying to say  that you don't love me?"
After a while, she said "No." She looked out side and said nothing.
I said, "Are you worried about something?"
I said, "Are you afraid of something?"
I said, "Is there someone else"
She cried for a while.


Blogger Glenn Buttkus said...

It is great to both be up round
midnight, taking care of poetry
bizness. This piece holds together
very tightly, and it resonates
with way too much reality;
echoes in your head like the
best scene, the memorable
scene in the last Woody Allen
flick, like the forward to a
Burroughs chapter, the action
just before the hooded dwarves
came in and screwed the goat
and bit the heads off three
chickens, and were abused
by Angelina Jolie garbed in
the tightest leather body suit
possible, and studded belts
around her butt, and then
they rush off and two dancing
toy poodles hop in in pink
ballet skirts, while a chimp
smokes a cigar and snaps
a tiny whip.

11:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dude, did we read the same poem?

..............Eddie Emerald

11:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nailed it, Buttkus!

.....Edgar Allen Dali

12:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think she's knocked up.

.....Doctor Pill

12:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tiny is as Tiny does, it's the Gerrys

......Zinc Frappa

12:06 AM  
Blogger Diane T said...

Typical argument, LOL. I liked your half open half closed argument although your wife wanted it one way. Striking writing!

4:44 AM  
Blogger izzy said...

goodness how we go on- I like your understanding! Yes, I would say the
door is half open because I can see
more of the picture than literally is shown. How good imagination is!!!

6:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hallo, Diane T.,
"She" in this piece can't be Lane Savant's wife, as he can't throw her out of the house, because she, not Lane, owns the house where they live.

8:23 AM  
Blogger Berowne said...

Well written...

9:14 AM  
Blogger annell said...

I hope they get this worked out!

10:27 AM  
Blogger Rene/ Not The Rockefellers said...

some conversations, like darkened doorways are best not entered without the latest military weaponry
a good example would be...
does this make me look fat?
if you dare to answer bring the WMD's

3:23 PM  
Blogger willow said...

Ah, the quintessential spat. I agree with Glenn, very Woody Allen. Well done, Lane.

3:58 PM  
Blogger Kristen Haskell said...

I am not sure what has me cracking up more, the comments or the poem itself. Being a woman, I can understand where her head went with the "you don't love me" crap but honestly woman like that drive me nuts. Girls, call a spade a spade and you won't confuse the hell out of men so much. The door love thing, it happens but does it really need too?

7:23 PM  
Blogger Tumblewords: said...

a two sided rubik's cube - it'll be days before the answer is known. I think I've witnessed this sort of thing...nicely captured.

9:44 PM  
Blogger Friko said...

I remember it well.
But how did you know?

For me the time of futile, idiot arguments, bickering and dancing around the elephant in the room is but a distant and unpleasant memory.

Even watching others perform the dance irritates me now.

Lane, is Joyce still read? My Beloved also set parts of 'Chamber Music' to music, as many others must have done .

3:47 AM  
Blogger Glenn Buttkus said...

For lo these 50 years
that we have known each
other (oh the gods, has it
been that long?), you have
always been part Woody
Allen, part Elvis Costello,
with a pinch of Frank Zappa,
cousin to Dylan--both of
them, who read too much
James Joyce and not enough
John Steinbeck, who read
Richard Brautigan instead of
Raymond Carver, who introduced
me to MAD magazine, and took
me to my first foreign film
in 1963 in the U District,
and now, just now, from the
pulpit of this blog, from the
wonders of the internet, others
are getting a peek of the enigma
that is Lane Savant.

7:57 AM  
Blogger Lane Savant said...

It was at the Ridgmont, in Phinny ridge.
I'm still reading Finnegans Wake.

12:17 PM  
Blogger Brian Miller said...

gotta love these wait who am i kidding...perhaps it is time to feign sleep...smiles. nice magpie!

6:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

great tension piece, i could totally see this on film, a conversation i would laugh at cause it's ridiculous, but also feel the impact of it cause it's sad. good balance.

7:17 AM  
Blogger Jingle said...


9:45 AM  
Blogger C.M. Jackson said...

well written --interesting how this moment- evolves over the door--great magpie

4:34 PM  
Blogger joanny said...

Agree with the others, interesting dialog Woody Allen, also reminds me of one of my old favorites "When Harry met Sally."

either way it is a good read, bit eclectic and eccentric style of humor and even more I love the part 1 & 2 caprichino hope I spelled it correctly -- it reminds me of living in the Pacific North West with it sights and sounds after dark in the rain, very evocative sensation.


8:46 PM  

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