Sunday, August 01, 2010

Bushwhacker

Nothing yesterday did I.
Except mow the lawn and hack a hole in the hedge to dump yard waste through.

In doing so I inadvertantly visited the eerie, mysterious "other side" when I fell over the edge due to misjudging the load bearing capabilities of the seemingly solid path before me into the impenetrable morass of weed and stem, leaf and stump.
Fortunately, I held on to my hedge trimmer when I fell off the edge of my world of comfort and privilege into the teeming, steaming jungle.
One must never go boldly (or even accidentally) into an adventure without a way to defend oneself against the native populace.

I wandered for awhile in the inhospitable greenery, seeking the door that I had so impetuously created, that I might escape this (inadvertently) self imposed exile.

Would I ever see family and friends again?

Suddenly I was beset by strange, many legged beasts and multi-jawed fanged insects. And a rat.
Raising my weapon, I was dismayed to find that I had inadvertently pulled the plug in the fall.
(Not fall the season, for it is still summer, but the fall into this weedy hell.)

I was defenseless.

Not even saying that I had voted for Al Gore seemed to allay the wrath of this insensate,intractable and uncaring verdant wilderness.

Nothing to do but run.

After weeks of aimless wandering, I finally re-discovered the portal I had created and staggered bruised, bleeding and bushed.

Haw! bushed get it?

Anyway, besides the collection of scraps and scabs, the only thing I brought back from this wilderness sojourn was a case of mylaria,
(not the same as MAlaria but treatable with quinine just the same).

A perfect excuse for a large dose of gin and tonic.
Or two or three.

Excuse me, I hear the Banshee wail of the turbine powered race boat.
I must investigate.
Wish me luck.

22 Comments:

Blogger Glenn Buttkus said...

Goodness, who needs Lewis Carroll
when you can read the adventures
of Lane Savant. Amazing that that
drop off just beyond your hedge
that constitutes like a hundred
yards of straight down, and that
jungle of plants and critters,
did not consume all your
strength, and dump you like
a husk onto the pavement of
Rainier Avenue way below you.
It is very Woody Allen to hold
up a hedge trimmer to protect
yourself, and to discover, my
God, it is unplugged; thus the
rodent and insects could chomp
their many fangs together dreaming
of the succulent flesh of this
interloper. Wonderful that you
escaped, and that the residue
of that trauma could so easily
be dispatched with a stiff drink.

We did pick up the 2011 Camry
Hyrid yesterday, and the great
paint job is called
"Blue Whisper". The interior is
very much like the 2007 we
traded in, but the ride seems
smoother, and the insides just
seem quieter. One can converse
in normal tones; even whisper
if they want. Not the case in my
2008 Suzuki; lots of road noise
and wind. One has to project in
order to be heard. I attended
the TFC 7th annual summer
picnic yesterday, and there
were only like 15 souls that
showed up. We did have some
great fellowship for several
hours and lots of good food,
but in the past summers,
twice as many folks have
shown up. Kind of bummed
me out. But what the hell,
if more than one person shows
up for any club affair, I am
pleased, enit?
Finished unpacking my boxes
from my old office stuff this
morning; set up my CD player,
so now I can listen to Doug's
CD's more often if I desire.
Did you ever check out my
cousins website for ARTIST
FOR OCEANS & ANIMALS?
Love to have your support
and advise there, slick.

3:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The earth laughs in flowers.

..............e.e. cummings

4:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dearest Doug....how wonderful you
escaped from that rodent and those
terrible insects. You remain my hero
and my lover man!

................Emily

4:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think the earth laughs in wars.
That is more in tune with human
nature, and the universal truths.

.............George Patton

4:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

For Christ's sake, general,
give old e.e. a break, and
just go with the old hippy
new age bent.

...............Tiny Tim

4:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Marriage is the death
of hope.

...........Woody Allen

4:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Iz dat why youse done it so many times,
der funnie dude? We are all surprised
dat youse are stayin wid your Chinese
stepdaughter wife for so long der.

..................Vinnie

4:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh Woody, everyone has to navigate
their own path through the sea
of matrimony. Your sarcasm is
misplaced in this case. Just living
together is just not a complete
enough experience for geniune
couples.

..................George Cloonie

4:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah, Glenn & Doug both have
good marriages, not to each
other actually since they both
are married to their own Miss M,
and you will never find two more
hopeful dudes in their 60's.

.................Eddie Emerald

4:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

When did the future
switch from being a promise
to being a threat?

............Chuck Palahniuk

4:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That was during the 8 year reign
of G. "W" Bush, Jr. Everybody
knows that, dummy!

............Edgar Allen Poo

4:16 PM  
Blogger Glenn Buttkus said...

Gray, grey, gray it is
this fine Monday in August.
Still, it will probably clear
off in the afternoon, and
remind us of why we all
prefer to live in the
Northwest, enit?
Melva and I have a quiet
day planned, including
heading off to Tacoma
to see THE KIDS ARE
ALRIGHT; not the great
documentary about the
WHO, done in the early
70's, with the title of one
of their hit albums, no this
is the new dramedy about
two lesbians who each
gave birth to a child using
a sperm donor, and now
the kids want to get to
know their "father". Annette
Bening, Mark Ruffalo, and
Julianne Moore. We will take
off for the coast, and a two
day stint at Pac Beach on
Wednesday & Thursday, our
very first mid-week excursion
over there. Then in two weeks
Miss M is off to Vancouver, and
the State school for the Blind,
for another 4-day conference.
Then badda bing, she will be
back to work, and I will begin
to settle into my new life for
sure. Wait a minute, I think
I heard a hydroplane engine
on the wind. Living in Seattle
we could hear them from all
over. Doug has a front row
seat actually.

8:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nothing recedes
like progress.

..............e.e. cummngs

8:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very clever, e.e., but have you
considered what technology
has truly done for mankind?

.............William Gates

8:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Actually, Billy, I think he was making
a philosophic point. Sometimes things
are done, wars are fought, people
get divorces in the name of
progress, and it bears scrutiny.

................Gore Veedal

8:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Organized crime in America
takes in over forty billion
dollars a year ands spends
very little on office supplies.

..............Woody Allen

8:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dat's a fack, jack. Youse puts yer finger on da
pulse of da hole deel der.

...............Vinnie

8:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Forty billion? Chump change today.

.............Bllly Gates

8:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Christ, we do you think those
wise guys had to front the
dough to set up OFFICE DEPOT?

............J. E. Hoover

8:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The trick to forgetting the
big picture is to look at
everything close-up.

.............Chuck Palahniuk

9:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Course then you have to get
in everyone's face, business,
and personal space. Good luck
with that, Chuckums.

.................Eddie Emerald

9:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hallo, Lane!!
Glad you survived relatively unscathed from the Big Fall!!
And that you did not become food for lab animals!!
Maybe you should invite Ms. Tindall to play her oboe in your new-found jungle!
Tschüß,
Anonomann

8:51 AM  

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