Sunday, January 06, 2008


I dunno, I just don't feel like writing these days.
Subconscious sympathy for the writers strike?
A lot of 'em make four times what I ever did.
Make that eight times.
According to a SNL bit, their's make two hundred grand.
Never did belong to a union myself.
Paid my own health insurance, saved for my own retirement.
Just an irrational desire for independence, I guess.
Would have been up the creek right now if it wasn't for Meredith who has the kind of personality to survive a corporate job at Boeing.
She believes in unions.
Just another link in the chain of social dependence far as I can see.
Schools, government, jobs, religion, unions, etc.
Mob rule behavior, the false impression of security.

Face it, a turkey who can't survive a volunteer job isn't made to make a hundred grand in an office cubicle.
So, thanks for that.

I don't have the personality for any of those monkey pile dog eat dog type of jobs.
I got Darwined out before I got sprung from high school.
Grade school really.
Sort of slowly flunked out over a period of about five years or so.
Which made it kind of confusing when the Rhodes people said I had this enormous I.Q and volunteered to help fund my "Graduate studies"
I still have no idea what that might mean.
If I am some kind of smart, smart is of negligible value.
Better to be morally flexible and insensitive to anything but one's own internal vanities.
For which I don't seem to have the proper talent.
I like to think that everyone has their own genius and that it is to be honored even if not understood.

So I continue to be a low class bum in the eyes of the "official" world.
And just another misunderstood genius in my personal fantasy world.
A legend in my own mind.

I'm alright.

Face it, we are all in this alone.
Ourselves and our imaginings of what others are.
Our knowledge of others is only an extension of our own vanity.
Trying to find what there is to respect in others even though one cannot possibly know others is why it feels good to try to practice that respect.
It is, after all, just a matter of vanity, ego, and self indulgence.
We all star in a play which we make up as we go along, assigning others roles as suits our own imagining.

I imagine you finding worth in this maudlin drivel
I imagine you finding all this ludicrous.



Blogger Glenn Buttkus said...

Hell, unions have been a monkey on most of our backs; a necessary evil. Screen Actor's Guild, Teamsters, Actor's Equity, National Federation of Radio and Television Artists, and Government Workers; paid them all dues, and most of the time they did jack shit for me.

Yeah, television writers do make a pile of pesos; 200k a year seems right in line. You were so busy being independent it did not occur to you that "if" you ever ended up with a catastrophic illness, like some of us have, you would have been SOL. Of course, perhaps these days you are included on Meredith's health plan from Boeings. These days though, with SS being in jeapordy, where is that false security you refer to? As some of us approach retirement it is frightening as hell to think that our government, our nation, might slide into some funk, or depression, and leave us hanging in the lurch. School does not ever give a sense of security, big boy; schools kick your ass, and manipulate you, and take a lot of your money, and sometimes give you a degree or a certification for your trouble. I was a natural student though; still am. School days were my fondest memory; that arena of intellectual competition; yeah, those were the days. Religion, yup, you nailed that one, sir. Giving the faithful a false sense of security is what the various forms of the God Club are all about.

Are you referring to your fine self as the "turkey who can't survive a volunteer job"? A bit harsh, I must say. Ms. MP, the Ophelia of the piece, had something to do with your demise of volunteering, and hey, that could have happened on any job, any where, any time. Women have that power, can turn on you in an instant; and are given more power every day, enit?

Like I have stated in the past, when you were a senior in high school, and I was a sophomore, and it was revealed that your IQ was way up there in the stratosphere, it began to be a terrific lesson in life when we witnessed you skipping classes and flunking out of college, and joining the Army, and then starting Doug's Great Adventure. "Monkey pile dog-eat-dog" kind of vocations, yeah, most of us suffer through them; trying our best to be the top dog, the great snarlers, the 500 pound gorilla who kicks monkey ass; or not. Maybe we just make a living the best way we can. Some of us got lucky and found a job we didn't hate, helping people, working with people, making a difference in other's lives; but those dream jobs are few; most of the work force are leaden eyed and do live those lives of quiet, or not so quiet, desparation.

I love your attitude about honoring the talent and "genius" of others, even if we can't fully understand or appreciate them. That of course does not include the SSO fast asses and gestapo.

You certainly have been misunderstood; you have had a belly full, a lifetime of that horse pucky. Perhaps that's why this semi-dialy catharsis, this blogsite of yours, is such valuable therapy, such a great tool for you as you open yourself up way beyond the internal personality of yesteryear. You know, back in 1969 when I stood on stages and street corners beating my chest, warning the world that I was going to grab it by the gonads and give it a tremendous shake, and you made a living, bought houses, built cars, wrote plays, and kept a low profile. Well maybe FFTL is not the great soap box that it could be, but you do have a loyal following these days.

Yes, we are all in this adventure alone. We are born alone, and will die alone, but in the interum, we can make friends, go to parties, write poetry, have fellowship, raise hell, drive fast, ride bikes, build violins and cellos and woodwinds from scrap lumber, create cars no one has ever seen before, even some that float, and so as Melva tells me; get over it. I sometimes think that she is telling me to get over myself, but that is another story.

Yeah, each of us is the center of the universe, and all the rest of the folks are satellites to our sun, pumice to our smile; and actually that is the way it really is, we are connected and disconnected at the same time. We labor a whole lifetime trying to figure out what the hell it is all about. Why are we here? What are we supposed to accomplish? Have we, did we, or might we still? January 25th, Lane Savant presents a Violin Duet at the Good Shepherd. I hope my health allows me to attend. But after one of my IVIG treatments, I really am dragging my ass. We will see. But even without my support or attendance, the event will transpire, and people will know, people will see and hear the Palmer genius, that elusive something that the Rhodes people raved about, so hidden, so subliminl for so long.

So yes, I do find worth in your maudlin drivel, and ludicrous is as ludicrous does,enit?

Melva and I went to a late New Year's party at friends on Saturday night and played Yatchie for hours; cool dice game sort of.
Friday night I did manage to have a successful screening of MEMENTO @ CSL in Tacoma. Sunday we went out and saw ATONEMENT, and then SWEENEY TODD; two very dark and down films; not too many laughs there. KITE RUNNER still sticks with me from last week; it was pretty good cinema; good book too Melva says.


8:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Doug of my heart:

Do not feel blue, or down, or too sarcastic my love. Perhaps you are not as fully appreciated in your autumn years as you would like, but you still have your music, and your Fidelio, and your Meredith, and of course the cat of the flat head and many gashes.

Myself, and many other spiritual luminaries will attend your musical presentation on Friday, January 25. Perhaps I will enter some other woman's aura, and she will wear a white dress. Keep your eye peeled for it. It is so good that for a few shining moments, my Doug will have the limelight.

And remember, in this lifetime, your personal success is relative to things you could not really understand while you are still breathing earth air. There has never been a person like you before, so be happy that you have broken the mold, after creating it in the first place.

Hugs: Emily

8:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Right On!!!!, Meredith!!!
We neede unions in capitalism to protect us working slaves from malevolent management!!!
If we volunteers @ Benaroya were represented by a union Doug would never have been fired for make-believe "reasons"!!!°!
Just look at the SeaSymph musicians! Tney are the only one @ Benaroya paid what they're worth!!
Because THEY have théir union!!!
And YOU, GLENN: Unions are NECESSARY, but not an evil, except to malevolent management!!!
I raise a balled right fist in support of those who represent us against the cruel capitalists!!
(Read that you "security" hounds who are supposedly protecting "us" (=the capitalists) from those who are the real Americans, namely those in the labor force!!!

1:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Emily: Thanks for telling us when Doug's piece for 2 viloins will be premiered. As I'll be back in the land of the "free" on the 25th, can I ride with Doug & Meredith to the Premiere, please?? Thanks, if "yes".

1:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hallo, Meredith, Doug, and Keth!!
The LL reminds me, again, to say "Hallo" to y'all, and I say it, too.

1:55 AM  

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